Twats Tweet
Deep Throatminster has been monitoring tweets from the only two twats in the village: Malcolm Tucker and his Chief Press Officer Jamie MacDonald. JAMIE: Look, is it just me? When you hear yourself saying the word 'Twitter' do you want to stick your head in a fucking industrial kiln? MALCOLM: Aye but fuck, it's only for narcissists and wankers. I don't think anyone of any importance is on Twitter. JAMIE: Stephen Fry. He's just gone for another fucking lovely walk and said something clever in German. MALCOLM: The PM I mean. The Home Fucking Secretary. THEY'RE not on Shitter are they? JAMIE: Right. They're not narcissists and wankers. OK, scenario. If, and it's a big if, you had to take out Simon Foster, how would you do it? MALCOLM: Whaling accident? Sent on some fact-finder to the Antarctic. Slips on deck. Falls into open whale. Suffocates. JAMIE: Too risky. Could pack his suitcase with Bibles, send him to Somalia... No. Poison fucking umbrella! Always fancied a go at that. MALCOLM: Poison fucking dental floss'd be nearer the mark mate. What about the old club him to death with frozen lamb thing? JAMIE: Then put the lamb back in the freezer, cut HIM up instead and get Heston Blumenthal to turn the bits into some irritating fucking dinner. |
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